FROM GNARL45
I’m trying to create a magazine for roleplaying games and I’m a bit confused on the whole writing process.
I’d like to write some of the articles myself but I’m not a professional writer. My wordy prose and awkward transitions make my writing unpleasant to read. What does it normally take to turn an article written by an amateur into a professional quality text that is concise and pleasant to read?
I did a little bit of research and apparently fixing a crappy text is the job of a copy editor. Is this correct? I also read that they don’t do miracles. If the original draft is really bad, they won’t be able to fix it. How do you know whether a text is so bad that it can’t be fixed?
Anyways, the text below is a sample of my writing. In your professional opinion, do I need a good copy editor or a total rewrite? Don’t hesitate to be ruthless!
Feudal Europe
Feudal Europe was different than the world today. It was a dangerous place ruled by feudal lords that competed against each other for power. It was also a time where modern concepts such as codes of laws, separation of powers, armies, or property had different meanings or didn’t exist at all.
History Reminder
At the end of the fifth century, the fall of the Western Roman Empire marked the beginning of a time of chaos and political instability in Europe. The continuous wars and famine depopulated Europe, caused a massive exodus from the cities to the countryside, and provoked the emergence of a new local ruling class that supplanted the central governments.
At the turn of the ninth century, the kings and emperors had lost most of their power. Europe was for the most part composed of self-sufficient reclusive towns and villages living under the protection and justice of the nobles.
Between the twelfth and fifteenth century, Europe underwent significant changes. The balance of power shifted in favored of the kings and the rich commoners living in the cities. For more than three centuries, the monarchs, the merchant guilds, and the nobles competed with one another for power.
The outcome of their struggle varied from one place to another. At the end of the Middle-Ages, Europe was a combination of absolute and parliamentary monarchies, independent city states, and feudal states.
Feudalism
Feudalism designates a form of political organization that appeared in Europe during the Middle-Ages. It was an extreme form of decentralization. The local governments concentrated most of the power at the expense of the kings and emperors.
Noble Rulers
During the Roman Empire, local positions equivalent to our modern day mayors, governors, judges, chiefs of police, and other important administrative roles were granted to legionaries as a reward for their help defending the Empire.
This Roman traditional endured and evolved for nearly five centuries in Europe. The central governments were so disorganized at that time that their leaders couldn’t perform their duties. The kings and emperors gradually delegated their responsibilities to their local officials.
When the Carolingian Empire fell at the end of the ninth century, these local lords had amassed so much power that they were de facto the kings of their land. These officials were called nobles and the land they controlled was called their manor or fief.
Vassalage
The only thing that gave a national unity to this plethora of nearly independent states was a system called vassalage.
Vassalage was an evolution of the Roman tradition mentioned previously. When a noble wanted to reward one his knights, he would grant him the governance of a part of his manor. The noble granting the land was called the liege and the one receiving the land the vassal.
Vassalage was also a set of mutual obligations that installed a hierarchy among the nobles. During an official ceremony called commendation, the vassal swore featly to his liege, and the liege swore to defend his vassal in return. The oaths the liege and the vassal made to each other were sacred. If one the two nobles committed a felony (i.e. broke his oaths), he would be damned in the afterlife. In a world as religious as medieval Europe, these oaths were taken very seriously.
Finally, vassalage was a means of securing a liege’s military power. During most of the Middle-Ages, a group of highly trained knights was the most efficient type of army. To have as many knights as possible, the head of every noble family was a knight that swore homage to his liege. This oath gave a liege the right to summon his vassals into battle.
Wars between Nobles
Feudalism succeeded at stopping the barbarian invasions that plagued Europe for five centuries but it failed at restoring peace.
For many reasons, the nobles could go to war with each another and they often did. In many cases, the balance of power between a vassal and his liege defined their relationship.
There were laws that allowed nobles to go to war with each other. The nobles lived outside of the justice system. When one noble wronged another, the victim was allowed to take justice into his own hands. He could start a private war against the perpetrator to obtain justice.
RESPONSE
Your writing is not awful or unfixable. A copy editor would catch and fix problems like "For many reasons, the nobles could go to war with each another...", but I think your writing would benefit from a content editor as well, someone who could improve the organization of your ideas. For example, first you write "Europe was for the most part composed of self-sufficient reclusive towns and villages living under the protection and justice of the nobles." Then later, you define a noble. The definition should probably come first, don't you think? A content editor (also called a development or structural editor) would catch problems like that and suggest other information to include or exclude for clarity. I haven't priced these things in a long while, but I know a content editor is way more expensive than a copy editor.