FROM DON
Many times people have warned against the use of “was” or “were” – “being verbs.” They are also known as “imperfect tense.” Usually, a writer will avoid them in the course of writing succinctly:
“She was running to the house.”
“She ran to the house.”
Easy, shorter, and more direct. But sometimes not so easy.
I notice other writers use them at will. What gives here? I could give examples from recently published novels and old classics where “was” could have been avoided with little effort but was not. I will give just one, from “The Old Man and the Sea.”
“The line was going out fast but steadily and the fish was not panicked. The old man was trying with both hands to keep the line just inside of breaking strength.”
Why not:
“The line went out fast but steadily and the fish did not panic. The old man strained with both hands to keep the line just inside of breaking.”
I’m not trying to improve Hemingway here. You don’t have to cut me down a peg and tell me how I’m “gitin’ too big for my britches.” It’s just that this seemed a good example.
If imperfect tense “being verbs” are so bad (and I agree they should be avoided), why are they all over published novels?
RESPONSE
It's simply a matter of style and taste really. I like yours better than Hemingway's, though it's still weak. Not one strong verb in those two sentences. I like verbs freighted with as much meaning as possible, not weak, empty verbs. Let's assume your quote is accurate and put a magnifier on Hemingway. So, the original:
The line was going out fast but steadily and the fish was not panicked. The old man was trying with both hands to keep the line just inside of breaking strength.
Obviously, the old man hooked a large fish and it's drawing line from the reel. How about we say that:
The line spun from the reel fast but steadily and the fish was not panicked. The old man was trying with both hands to keep the line just inside of breaking strength.
Now “but steadily...and the fish was not panicked”...what he implies with that “but” is that perhaps often the line spins out fast but not steadily when the fish is panicked. Maybe the fish darts around trying to shake the line when it's panicked so the draw is fast but inconsistent. So careful wording there and great meaning. However, I don't like the sound of “steadily”. I would rather use “steady”. “Steady” is often used as an adverb as in “hold the camera steady”, where it modifies the verb “hold”. So I'd choose to bend the rules a bit for sound and to make a better mate for “fast”. Technically, there should be a comma after “steady”, but I'm OK with the rest of the sentence. So:
The line spun from the reel fast but steady, and the fish was not panicked. The old man was trying with both hands to keep the line just inside of breaking strength.
So the old man tried to keep the line at a consistent tension just beneath breaking. Now consider for a moment - there are two ways to accomplish that. If the fish swims away from the man, the man must slacken the line to lessen the tension. If the fish swims toward the man, he must reel the line to increase the tension. So, I don't think I like your verb “strained”. It implies he's pulling constantly with both hands, but he can't if he wants to maintain a certain tension. So Hemingway used imprecise language in my opinion to describe the action. I would've said something like “cranked the reel and heaved on the pole”. He also used a wrong word - “strength”. The strength of the line is not what breaks it, but the tension. The man can do nothing to change the strength of the line, but he can alter the tension. So:
The line spun from the reel fast but steady, and the fish was not panicked. The old man cranked the reel and heaved on the pole to keep the tension just inside of breaking.
There. Much better, don't you think? Someone call about the new editions, lol.
UPDATE
Alrighty, I've reviewed the book and saw the movie, so now I can improve the sentence in agreement with "hand line" fishing:
The line snaked from the coil fast but steady, and the fish was not panicked. The old man slackened and heaved on the line to keep the tension just inside of breaking.
Now we can get those new editions.