He Was / She Was...Or Were They?

FROM NETTAHOBS

I love to write in 3rd person. I love to explore all the characters in my story and follow them as the story progresses. I have a question. How do I write without the constant use of She was, he was, they were and then he could.. you get it. I feel as though it gets redundant. some examples please?

RESPONSE

There's two things that can come after "He was", "She was", etc.: either an adjective or a verb.

For an adjective, learn to describe things in terms of action. Instead of writing "She was anxious", describe the things she does that show her anxiety. She frets with her clothes, her hands shake, she startles when the phone rings, she stutters when she talks. She can do all these things and more, and the reader will know much better that she's anxious without you directly saying a thing about her anxiety.

For a verb, simply learn to use simple past tense verbs instead of "ing" verbs or passive voice verbs. Instead of "She was walking in the park when...", write "As she walked in the park...". Instead of "She was hit by the bus", write "The bus hit her.

I think you're very astute for recognizing this repetition in your writing. See "About Hammer & Tongs" for some good advice about passive voice and other ways to put some horsepower into your writing. Although my advice is simple, it's very difficult to practice at first. But in time, if you practice it consistently, it gets much easier, and your writing improves by leaps and bounds.