FROM JENEANE
I'm in the process of doing a bunch of rewrites, and I've noticed the words "that" and "had" popping up everywhere. Is
Going to Sweden seemed like the last thing he would do.
better than
Going to Sweden seemed like the last thing that he would do.
Or:
Although she wasn't given to introspection, Sue felt there was some strange, foolish part of her that liked the way Bob was with money.
as opposed to
Although she wasn't given to introspection, Sue felt there was some strange, foolish part of her that liked the way that Bob was with money.
Then there's "had", as in:
She only found out about it that morning.
as opposed to
She had only found out about it that morning.
Is there some hard and fast rule on this? Thanks in advance for the help.
RESPONSE
Often, you can simply delete “that” to no detriment. As a fan of simplicity and less words, I try to delete it as often as possible, and you should too, if it does not harm meaning or flow.
Even more important than “that” are verbs. There are many verbs I try my best to eliminate from my writing as much as possible because they're empty from overuse. See About Hammer & Tongs for a complete list. Your first example contains three empty verbs, so I'd probably re-word it:
Going to Sweden seemed like the last thing he would do.
Flying to Sweden was last on his agenda.
I don't abide a lot of clutter in writing. Your second example seems cluttered to me, and "wasn't", "felt", "liked", and "was" are empty verbs. I don’t really see how introspection pertains to Sue’s admiration of Bob, but be that as it may:
Although she wasn't given to introspection, Sue felt there was some strange, foolish part of her that liked the way Bob was with money.
Though not normally introspective, some strange, foolish part of Sue admired Bob's way with money."
As to your third example, “to have” is an empty verb. Like “that”, you can often simply delete “had” to no detriment. The instances where “had” is really needed are relatively few. “Had” (known as past perfect tense) is best used to show two things happening at different times in the past:
By the time the alarm rang, the convict had escaped.
Often “had” is used to introduce an extended flashback which then uses plain past tense:
He had earned a good living…good enough to gain him power, fame…and Esmerelda.
But speaking for myself, I typically insert a temporal phrase, like "back then" or "twenty years ago", and eliminate "had":
Twenty years ago, he earned a good living…good enough to gain him power, fame…and Esmerelda.
He earned a good living back then…good enough to gain him power, fame…and Esmerelda.
"Just" is a better word than "only" in regard to time, but both of those adverbs are slippery. They can land anywhere in a sentence and make sense, but a good writer is careful to modify the appropriate words with adverbs. In your example, the appropriate words are “that morning”, not “found out”:
She had only found out about it that morning.
She found out about it just that morning.