Drop by Drop, Stone by Stone, Flake by Flake...

FROM LOWCHEY

Here is a paragraph for critique. Tell me where it needs work and I'll see what I can do.

On the way downtown he was so completely alone with his terrible error that he felt the necessity for the strange warmness and goodness that came from a familiar and gentle voice speaking in the night. Already, in a few short hours, it seemed that he had known her a lifetime. Now he knew that he was two people, that he was, above all, himself who knew nothing, who did not even know himself a fool, but only suspected it. And he knew that he was also the young woman who talked to him and talked to him as the train was sucked from one end of the night city to the other on one long sickening gasp of motion. In the days to follow, and in the nights when there was no moon and in the nights when there was a very bright moon shining on the earth, the young woman would go on with her talking and talking, drop by drop, stone by stone, flake by flake. His mind would well over at last and he would not be himself anymore, this girl told him, assured him, promised him.

Just let me know what you think

CRITIQUE

What in thee world…I can’t make heads or tails of it. I have not the slightest clue what you’re trying to say. I think a lit match would improve it loads. I think you must be either writing English as a second language or suffering from some severe disgraphia. So my advice is either learn English or get help from a specialist in learning disabilities. I can't help you. My apologies.