Archive: The Crucible

Commandant Daddy

FROM CALDERONE It is the beginning of a chapter (perhaps the opening chapter) of a memoir I am working on. Any comments will be appreciated, but I am particularly interested...

Great Entry Level Position!

FROM JASON This is a scene I am working on right now...Hope it's not too bad. ---------------------------------------------------------- The word oasis normally brings to mind lush green palms, looming over clear...

Navel Gazing on Parade

FROM GILBERTSAYS This is the prelude to my novel aimed mostly at the older end of the YA market. It is also intended to be an exposé much like Pat...

What the Heck...?

FROM BARNEY Looking forward to any advice and thoughts, Thank you. Chapter 1 The world fears Andrew Collins, and Andrew Collins fears the world. He has no place in the...

Cancer is Bad Enough without Bad Writing

FROM COLYNDA It's like a shadow play, the doctor said. A Chinese shadow play. I'm not exactly sure when this happened. It seems important not to get things out of...

I'm Late! I'm Late! For a Very Important Date!

FROM JONAS I have worked and worked on this, and I still am working on it. Everytime I open it, I find something I don't like and change it. Sometimes...

Vampires Really Suck

FROM LOTTIE Partially concealed within the flickering gloom produced by a single candle sat a beautiful pale young woman on a bed of black satin. She stopped combing her cascade...

The Soul Collector

FROM GRIMSFEL Azrael stood over the corpse of Grant Thompson. The car that had served as his weapon had stopped initially, but panic-stricken by the severity of what they had...

Understated Necrophilia

This is the begining of the second chapter of a novel that takes place in Philadelphia in the spring of 1825. I've read (and rewritten) this thing a half dozen...

The Sparkly Bibliophile

FROM CARNEGIE Below is the first 700+ words of my middle grade/fantasy for critique. Nothing could be further from anything magical than Jack Disor’s family. They lived in the Philippines...

Move Out While You Still Know Everything

FROM NAT Until the second the lights flickered on and flooded my room, I actually thought I had got away with it. Not because I was particularly good at the...

Bad Writing for a Purpose

FROM ED ...I was hoping to get some feedback to the opening of a novel I've been working on. Here is it-- *** If you can’t forget, you have to...

Dress for Success in the Winter

FROM JUGGLED Here is my start to a chapter on what to wear when participating in winter snowsports. Any feedback is welcome. Thanks in advance! How to Dress It is...

Declaration of Disunity

FROM LENNOX THE DECLARATION OF UNITY The end of democracy and the defeat of the American Revolution will occur when government falls into the hands of lending institutions and moneyed...

A Struggle with Wordiness

FROM LILA I'm struggling a bit with these few paragraphs...I'm wondering if they come off as too wordy, or clunky. Any opinions would be greatly appreciated. The thought of being...

Head First into the Crucible

FROM MITZI I've gone over and over it and would really appreciate some external feedback! Don't water down your critique, I'm a big girl and can absolutely deal with it....

Dahlia: The Kickbutt Sissy

This is my first post. It is a short story I'm working on. Let me know how the story feels. Is it to melodramatic? Blue Moon Rising By Loretta Green...

The Family Life of Mutants

FROM BOOFY With almost three quarters of my first draft written down I returned to my opening chapter and was horror stricken to discover that it no longer pertained to...

Vampire Verbs Suck the Life out of Writing

FROM MR MITCHELL Dangerous Ground (Chapter 21) (swearing) After being alone for most of the afternoon and the only visits being from nurses or doctors, I have turned to the...

It's Da Bomb

FROM GUITARHIRO97 xoMechanica (Intro) At 3500 feet and going 575 miles per hour the sleek Boeing VC-25, also known as Air Force One, soared through the sky like some strange...

Definite Addition

FROM TINACRABAPPLE It’s all in your head “Are we adding or subtracting? Are we putting together or taking apart?” “We are putting together,” Little P said. “What are we putting...

A Walk in the Park

FROM DATO Crossroads I have worked for a university for many years, and as some of you may know, campuses tend to be hectic places during a school day. But...

Meaningless Shiver

FROM LIZ Kind of an emotional poem I originally did for a weekly theme...It was written to maybe be a song. Shiver When it rains it pours, When it whispers...

Writing that Formulates Its Own Art

FROM DARESH Dream_Bubble_Matter_ antimatter_antibubble_antidream Cast out of a rural mural and transported through a blue tinted portal, I conjured anew as a subtle air bubble full of multiple essences of...

Shakespeare She Ain't

FROM MAEWEST Love Sonnet Sonnet V How could anyone not want to be around you? Your eyes rival the sun in all their shining blazing glory. The moon is a...

Peeking out of the Closet

FROM NEVRBORN Prologue Ever thought your life needs a soundtrack? A mix-tape of well-chosen songs to accompany everyday non-events. Something classical while reading the newspaper in the morning? Or minimal...

B'Gosh and B'Gore

FROM DEBBI By the second week in Dublin I had already fallen into a routine. I woke up early and went to the newsstand down the street for a USA...

The Synopsis of Incomprehensibilty

FROM ZAIDA I need help with a synopsis: In a matter of life and death at your choice between your best friend’s life along with your own or the life...

Who's on First?

FROM ANGELA Is this beginning too dark for Young Adult? Contains violence, i suppose rain is fitting for this moment. Standing above a grave wouldn’t feel quite right without rain....

Get Out the Axe and Hack, Dude

FROM NICO So, below is an excerpt from a book I'm still in the process of editing, the sequel to the book I published to amazon.com. This is book two...

Dactylic Hexameter Amateur

FROM HEROIC I'm currently working on an epic poem in dactylic hexameter. Ambitious work, I know. It's a story I've been kicking around for a long while, and have written...

Madame Crimson and Her Criminal Empire

FROM ROGUE MUTT Prologue I’m supposed to be in school, but there’s no way I’m going to miss this. It’s the latest “Trial of the Century,” except this time my...

The Sound of One Less Song Bird

FROM J. SIGAL I hit the snooze button for the second time. It was a normal morning. But why was it still so dark, I wondered, as I peered squinting...

Lantern Eyes

Some things best left forgotten by A.J. Fisk The house was a little too still. Too silent and dark for the bright afternoon shine outside. After a number of calls...

Her First Rodeo

FROM DIANE This short snippet is part of a new novel. The protag, Kelly, has just gotten out of bed after a one-night stand and has gone out to the...

Drop by Drop, Stone by Stone, Flake by Flake...

FROM LOWCHEY Here is a paragraph for critique. Tell me where it needs work and I'll see what I can do. On the way downtown he was so completely alone...

Postmortem for "Body Bag"

FROM MICHAEL "Body Bag" Bloodstained, a tattered veil Upon the battered face Of the Fallen One A wretched sleeve engulfs her carcass Embers of her vitality Extinguished by the tears...

Oberon to the Rescue

FROM L. T. VARGUS I'd eat shards of broken glass to get you to read the free sample of my book. CRITIQUE For those of you who want to read...

Unbelievable

Perspectives by N. Flikkema Finally, the day had arrived. I woke up early, exfoliated, and even curled my hair with hot rollers. I felt prepared for my interview at Elle...

Poetic, Interesting, Lovely...and Just a Bit Constipated

FROM MARIKAGUTHRIE To head off the slew of grammar corrections that are coming my way I will say that I have a friend of mine (a newspaper editor) reading and...

True Love During Alien Occupation

FROM MICHAEL Dorren was numb to the suffering of his body, lost in his labor to all but the rhythmic swinging of his pick-axe. Clumps of soil and small rocks...

Book Review: On the Road by Jack Kerouac

FROM JAY SIGAL I just finished reading "ON THE ROAD" the original scroll for the first time a week ago. I did so within four days, four separate sittings. The...

Bulletins at 11

FROM J. HORDE I have read and heard it said that the beginning of a story is what hooks the reader. Thus it must be good. Even though I have...

Dont Everish Do This

--- layout: post title: Don't Everish Do This date: 2014-12-18 categories: - The Crucible author: display_name: John Oberon --- FROM MILKAN This is just a sample of what I am...

Lights, Smells, Pain, and You

FROM MALCOLM It's the first 1,000 words. Thanks in advance. -====-==- It is clear that I am dying, though no one has said as much. It is a Tuesday morning...

Reveille in Hell

FROM EDWARD I had excerpts of this work published before as mini short stories but this is sort of my prologue / first chapter. Just overall concerned about the "flashback"...

Mom Ain't So Dumb

FROM DIANESTO This is an excerpt from The Fall. For lack of a better description, it's a love story taking place in a post-apocalyptic dystopia. I've trimmed off the very...

World War Z

FROM PB SIMISTER My wife tried to kill me. It’s not what you think, something was wrong with her. Holly came home from work looking like death warmed up. Her...

Mr. Pecs Trumps Inanity

FROM SUSANH Something from the middle of my book-- pretty representative. Thanks for any observations. About 6 months ago it dawned on me that this process of fixing up the...

"A Torrent of Unrelenting Blissful Luminance"

FROM LAWRENCE KISER The bright sun shines down upon the world, lighting the earth in a torrent of unrelenting blissful luminance. Normally one would look around at a landscape illuminated...

I Killed Your Wife...Don't Be Hatin'

FROM SAM DOUTHIT I wonder if you would be kind enough to have a look at a piece of my writing and let me know what you think? It is...

Difficulties, Problems, and Concerns

FROM JAYNE On one of the first days in New York, I found myself wandering in the Lower East Side, a part of the city that had been formerly Jewish...

The Green-Eyed Monster Goes Noble

FROM N. FLIKKEMA Jealousy in Unexpected Places I’m not a jealous person. I am genuinely happy for those who are fortunate in life. If I see a lady who has...

Great Story, Awful Writing

FROM KIMBARKAVE Even as a young boy I always knew things where not right at home. It wasn’t till years later I would learn just how wrong. My parents never...

Drowning in words...glub, glub

FROM SAMUEL Chapter 1 “Do you swear upon this holy bible that the information you filled out in this athletic packet is correct to the best of your knowledge and...