FROM MR. CALABASH
Just wanted to get some critique on a descriptive paragraph in my MS, wondering if its too adjective-heavy. For contex, the MC finds himself in a strange place (doesn't know how he got there) and sees something surprisingly unusual in the sky:
"A large island hovered in the heavens drifting like a cloud. In the middle of the floating landmass was a vast lake, its waves calmly lapping against the hilly shore. Jack rubbed his eyes and gasped for not only was this an affront to the laws of gravity, but the bygone chunk of earth was flipped upside-down. Yet neither rocks nor trees—not even the lake water—fell back down to the ground. And despite its humongous size, the aerial island did not obstruct the sky entirely and the sun still shone brightly through its rough edges."
large island hovered
bygone chunk of earth
Enough already! Pronouns are your friends.
No waves on a lake unless there's a storm, earthquake, or motor boats.
Shores aren't hilly.
"Not only was this" is okay, but technically, it should be "this was not only".
"Bygone" is not a word I'd use unless there were something on the island to indicate age, and then I'd use it on the thing, not the island, as in "ruins from a bygone age".
The island was not "flipped" unless someone or something flipped it just then; it's just "upside-down".
The sun would not shine "through the rough edges", it would shine around them, like a corona.
You have a bad eye for detail. You need someone to read your stuff who can catch these things.