FROM SEAN
This paragraph has been bugging me since last night. Particularly the last sentance, because I don't know if it has the impact it should. Any suggestions for rewording or.... something.
"Cori shivered as the two of them sized each other up; Nick standing with his back to the teeming ocean, seeming strangely small and alone as he struggled to keep his body from collapsing out from under him, every plane of his face burning with hatred. Rezanov stood calmly opposite, wrapped in a bulky trench coat, with a half-dozen lackeys armed with semi-automatics arrayed around him. It was impossible to say which of the two was more frightening. The one with murder in his eyes or the one with nothing."
RESPONSE
A face doesn't really have "planes", unless its owner possesses exceptionally chiseled features, lol. I'd stick with the eyes to describe the emotion. I think what bothers me about those last two sentences is that they strike me as commentary from the narrator. Maybe you should kick the narrator out of there and let Cori take his place. How about something like this:
They sized each other up. Nick stood with his back to the teeming ocean, strangely small and alone as he struggled against physical collapse, his eyes burning with hatred. Rezanov stood opposite, wrapped in a bulky trench coat, a half-dozen lackeys armed with semi-automatics arrayed around him. Cori shuddered at the glistening eyes of the adversaries. In each glowed dark death, and she didn't know which frightened her more: murderous fury or cold calculation.