FROM SCIGUY
I'm thinking of making this the back cover of my third book in my series. I'm looking for opinions on the 'hook'. Is it enough to not only to read more, but perhaps to seek out the first two as well?
Death seldom rides a pale horse these days. In the 24th century it seems to prefer riding starships, especially one named BRATTAIN.
A year prior to her launch in 2345, Death paid its first visit to the Brattain, claiming the life of a construction worker when a support beam on the Bridge collapsed.
In 2351, Death paid a visit to the Captain himself, who was only a fresh-faced Cadet at the time. While attempting to save the life of his alien girlfriend, Na'Tahila, Death claimed them both, at least for five minutes forty-two seconds, according to the doctors Matt had spoken to afterwards.
In 2367, Death returned again to the Brattain, this time claiming the lives of her entire crew. Matt's best friend, Jeremy Brink, had been her First Officer at the time. Arriving too late to save his friend, or his friend's crew, Matt assumed command of this 'ghost' ship.
Now it is 2368. Death is seeking another ride. As far as Matt is concerned, Death can find itself another ship, or another pale horse.
The Brattain belongs to him, not Death. If Death wants to argue the point, it knows where to find him.
COMMENT
As far as I'm concerned, I see no hook whatsoever. Let's see...you have people dying on the starship Brattain over a course of 23 years. Doesn't sound odd or unusual to me. I would expect people to die on a starship in that amount of time - a LOT of them - either through accidents or battle or whatever. What would make a good hook is one thing or person CAUSING all those deaths over that amount of time, or maybe there's some kind of odd similarity in the deaths...SOMEthing. But just plain death? Nah.
Also, I think the personification of death is pretty comical, meaning something you'd find in a comic book. I suppose if that's the kind of writing you're after...you know, like Doc Savage or Buck Rogers or something like that...then it's not AWFUL, but I sure think it could be better. I always think that kind of writing borders on noir, and it makes me chuckle. I'm thinking you want people to take you seriously.